


How Upchuck DIDN’T Meet Daria’s Mother

by brothergrimace1



Category: Daria (Cartoon), How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 07:24:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11732304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brothergrimace1/pseuds/brothergrimace1
Summary: A 'Daria'/'How I Met Your Mother' crossover in the spirit of Barney's attempts to meet Ted's little sister - only this time, Upchuck's out to get closer to Daria's mom for Christmas!





	How Upchuck DIDN’T Meet Daria’s Mother

 

 

"So, Daria - what's up for today?"  
  
Oh, the same old crap that happens every year at Christmastime," Daria said, as she followed Jane and Tom over to their usual booth in McLaren's Pub, where Mack waved at them. "I'm trying to figure out how to keep Mom from coming to visit here in NYC. She always goes out to L.A. to visit Quinn for Thanksgiving, and since I can usually find a reason why I can't stand - I mean, why I can't spend Christmas with her, she usually ends up staying out there until New Year's."  
  
Tom took a drink from his beer. "Can't gin up a reason to keep her away?"  
  
"Not yet," Jane snickered. "But she will. She has a good reason to."  
  
"You've got that right," Daria said, her tone grim as she sipped her Jack Daniels and Coke. "No way am I letting Upchuck anywhere near Mom. Dad's been gone for five years, Mom's starting to get back out into the dating scene - and Upchuck's been waiting for a shot ever since he discovered the wonder of the MILF."  
  
"Yeah, he's got a big thing for your mom," Mack said.  
  
"Oh, it's not _that_ big," Tom quipped.  
  
"How would you know?" Jane asked.  
  
"You're not the only Martini-drinker in these parts-" Tom began.  
  
"Apparently not, 'Captain Jack'," Jane chortled.  
  
Mack shook his head. "What he hell's up with Upchuck and your mom, anyway?"  
  
"Well, he saw her in that really skimpy elf-outfit she wore for her Christmas card a few years back-"  
  
Jane's laugh warmed the room. "The one she'd done as a little gag gift for your dad?"  
  
Tom joined in on her laughter. "The one the printers mistook for their cards to be sent out to everyone on their Christmas card list."  
  
Daria shook her head. "First time in the company's history that they were ever asked by the public to do a second run on a card and make them available for the public. If it wasn't for the fact that the White House put her on their Christmas card list in response, I don't think Helen would have ever shown her face in public again."  
  
"As far as most guys were concerned, what she was showing was more than good enough!" Jane giggled as she tried to take another sip of beer. "So, what's up with Upchuck, anyway?"  
  
Daria sighed. "Ever since then, he makes sure he's around when I get the new card from Mom..."  
  
  
*****  
  
  
_===Three years ago===_  
  
  
_A smile smile came across Upchuck's face as he walked into Daria, Jane and Tom's apartment, a huge smirk on his face as he handed Daria an envelope. Daria cringes as she opened the card, with Upchuck looking over her shoulder as he begins to sing in the tune of Jingle Bells. _  
  
  
_Slipping off her pants, yanking off my own_  
_Underneath the misteltoe, I'll make your mommy moan_  
_Oh, Helen's hot, Helen's hot, we'll go all the way!_  
  
  
_===Two years ago===_  
  
  
_Daria rolls her eyes as Upchuck, looking over her shoulder begins to sing in the tune of Deck The Halls: _  
  
  
_Helen's hot - oh, what a body_  
_Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la!_  
_I will ride her like a trolley_  
_Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la, la-la!_  
  
  
_===Last Year===_  
  
  
_Upchuck sings in the tune of The Little Drummer Boy as Daria looks up from her mom's Christmas card:_  
  
  
_In front of the fireplace, pa rum pum pum pum_  
_Helen's spread before me, pa rum pum pum pum_  
_I'm going to do her, pa rum pum pum pum_  
_We're going to go all night, pa rum pum pum pum_  
_Until we-_  
  
  
_Upchuck groans loudly and sinks to his knees as Daria's free hand swings back to give his a perfect groin shot._  
  
  
*****  
  
  
Daria sighed. "Thank God Upchuck doesn't choose to celebrate Hanukkah."

 

 

**END**

****

 

Dec 07, 2011

 


End file.
